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Saturday, January 01, 2005

Dear Axis of Evil nations

The following letter was found on a clever sheep in response to recent missile defense system tests:
We are having some trouble with our missile defense program -- no, its nothing new; its just the same problems we've been having for 20 years now. It seems that we can actually hit our targets 5 times out of 8, but only when the weather is clear over our launch center in Kodiak, Alaska, and only when the attacking missile doesn't shoot decoys and carries a homing device. Y'know: real-world scenarios.

Anyway, until we get this all worked out, we'd appreciate if you would give us some advance notice of an attack. A couple of days would be best, but we could probably make do with as little as 24 hours. It would also help if you give us both the coordinates of the launch pad as well as the coordinates of the target, exact time of launch, projected trajectory, etc. In fact, since we're currently wasting about US$85 million each time we "Cheney" up, we'd certainly be open to some discussion about cash incentives for you to just blow up your own missiles out in space and let us take the credit for it. Think about it, okay? And you can leave any response in the comments to this or any of the big lefty blogs. Big John Ashcroft is still with us for a little while, yet and it really makes his eagle soar when he can spend his time spying on the lefties and avoiding all that embarassing prosecution-type work.

So, thanks from all of us here in the "Red, White and Red" United States of America,